A Child-Focused Marriage

My husband and I thought we had it all figured out, we had happy children, healthy children, smart children, clean children, but then we realized we couldn't stop talking about ... our children.


During our first two years of marriage the only time we made it out of the house alone together was when one of our children was admitted to the hospital. My mother decided we needed a night alone and, honestly, it was awkward.

The hustle and bustle was gone and it almost was as if we had nothing to do, what happened?

We realized we did not have the God-focused marriage we thought we had, instead it was a child-focused marriage. Everything was about the kids, our money, our house, our pets, our food, our social lives, our church, our routine, we were trying to fit our lives around the children...but weren't we supposed to be fitting our lives around God?

Even to a person who is not spiritual, it is evident that this is a problem, my husband and I did not know how to connect anymore without our children. An intervention was needed.

Having A Date Night

We hear it all the time, but do we do it? Most of the time it gets placed on the back burner-like everything after we have children, but consider you are doing this for your children. Your relationship is a model for what your child will follow and aim to have when they marry. Having a date night can rejuvenate your energies to deal with the children and also bring back a connection with your spouse. Treat it like you are dating...for real. Go all out, wear that special outfit you know they love, smell great, look great, and turn on the romance. Be young again!

Learning What Your Partner Calls Love

Another way to make sure the relationship will last after the chickies fly the coop, is to make sure you guys are on the same love page. When my husband defends me, touches me, or does anything to make me feel like I am a jewel worth protecting I feel over the moon! But when I do the same to him...he likes it, but it is nothing compared to me praising him or making him feel like a true man of valor. Some have coined the phrase "love languages" to refer to this topic. It is very important to know how your spouse views love so you can give it to them daily.

Putting Their Needs Above Your Own

 

Women, this may mean letting your husband play with his phone or video-game, take a nap, or watch television for an hour when he comes home from work instead of jumping on him for conversation or help with the children. Men, this may mean doing the dishes after your wife has cooked a meal for you, or bathing the children while she goes to bed early. And they shouldn't be begged for, we should just do it because we love each other. Our lives are not a competition for who has had a harder day, it is about trying to make each day easier for the people we love.

Not Expecting Anything In Return

 

Sometimes our spouse may not do everything they are supposed to do, but that does not mean we should stop. Punishing our spouse for misbehaving is not only wrong, but completely juvenile. We should be acting as a spouse not as their parent (even if they are acting like a child). Appreciation will come, and if they continue to leave you with all the work, the best thing to do is to communicate. Not argue or yell at them, but communicate how their actions make you feel and ask them if they have any ideas on how to fix the issues. They may be struggling with something and just want an understanding spouse to be supportive.

It's Okay to Talk About the Kids

 

The kids are a huge part of both of your lives, so yessss talk about them and adore them together! Nobody understands your love for your children like they do! Don't feel bad for loving your children, just make sure your still loving your spouse along the way!

Have You Touched Today?

A kiss? A hug? Anything? I'm not talking about sex, I am just talking about an arm around the waist, or a full embrace (no side hugs)? Touch is very important for married couples, and should not be ignored. Make sure to take time and just hold each other or kiss. It is also very healthy for the children to see their parents touch (not passionately of course), because you are the example they will follow in their own relationships.

Pray Together

 

As much as possible, and especially before fighting. Humbling yourselves together before the Almighty is an amazing experience to share with your spouse. Take advantage of having a spiritual partner who shares the same faith, and come together before God!